I'm spending my New Years Eve, stewing. Unlike Mrs Biddlebox, I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed on a dreary day. I have a cozy bed, and today was beautiful. We watched The Little Mermaid, went out and enjoyed our bicycles in the sunshine, had a Pho family lunch, naps, and even a promising Family Home Evening lesson, complete with cheesecake bar treats.
Life is good, eh?
Except for the complete meltdown from the seemingly non-stop arguing, bothering, aggravating, name-calling, whining, crying, miserable two boys of mine. I must have told Joel to "respect Jamie's space" a hundred times today. Joel's not the only culprit.
Jamie wanted a snack. Simple enough, right? But after complaining about every suggestion I made, I let him rummage through the cabinets himself to find what he wanted. Since I was unwilling to call candy a suitable snack, we couldn't come to an agreement. Jamie doesn't eat with us at mealtimes because he only is hungry for snacks. Even at breakfast, he'll eat 3 bites of whatever he said he wanted and was served for breakfast, leave the table "Full", only to cry for a snack 10 minutes later because he's "hungry" again. Then I get to listen to 3 hours of whining and crying if I want to insist on him having an appetite for something other than fish crackers.
Even separating the two of them wouldn't work, today. I felt so completely helpless when I realized that they WANT to make each other cry. Even when they are forced to be on separate floors, they wind each other up verbally, and they don't even stop once one of them is to the point of crying.
Lately I've been noticing that Joel tunes out any corrections or timely interventions. Maybe that explains the 100th "respect his space". When I say "no" he just argues. Jamie just turns on me and yells "No" right back. It sounds like I've lost the parental control. Maybe they're just in a phase of testing my limits. Maybe it'll all work itself out in a couple of months or years. Maybe every parent has this problem. Maybe I've been too easy on them. I truly thought I was a strict parent with firm house rules. But I'm starting to consider adopting more severe consequences for lack of respect towards elders, brothers, environment, etc. What if I put all their toys in boxes and donated them all to Goodwill? What if they were only allowed to play outside, rain or shine? What if they only had chores to do? Any ideas?
When "no" didn't mean anything, that's when I left the house to drive around the block and have a good, long cry and talk to God. I came back with very little to say. Harlan had a chance to talk to them and make them considerably kinder to me when I got back. Thank goodness for him.
So, they aren't all bad. And I don't want to suggest that they are. The day started out shiny and new like most others. Joel had this really sweet moment reading books to Jamie before his nap today. Most of the time when the kids are in public settings and not around me, they blossom into these angelic, sweet boys that I dream of having. So what is it with me? Am I supposed to be satisfied that they are learning good values to take out into the world, but at home they're going to make me crazy? Not what I had in mind when I dreamed of having kids.
So, do the offenses really just accumulate until the breaking point near the end of the day? Should I just plan on putting them to bed when I notice I'm nearing the end of my day's quota of bad behavior? What if that happens at 11am? (Naptime) or 4pm? (Is that too early to put kids to bed?)
I seem to go through these periods of excessive frustration followed by abundant satisfaction. If this is consistent with the rest of the patterns in my life, there's a huge life lesson that I'm on the brink of learning. And if this is just a lesson about forgiveness, I'm going to be really dismayed. I can't believe I'm having to learn this lesson all over again. I thought I had that one down. Nope.
Happy New Year.
Monday, December 31, 2007
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4 comments:
wow kind of sounds like my girls!!! about the food thing. i do this when my girls seem to be "full" leave the food on the plate and give it to them at snack time, lunch time, dinner time, until it's gone! kind of boring huh!? and i'll remind them what time is our snack time so to watch the clock for when we will be having a snack. good luck with those boys. and you are always welcome to come down to our place and cruise to Disneyland!!! we have the room!
We've got the eat/snack problem too and the WHINNING over treats. We took away treats (candy, and movies/shows) for the month of January. So far, they at least notice that things are gone and we're not hearing so much whinning...but it isn't a perfect plan and maybe it is just the general, "This is life, keep pushing forward and don't give up" phase. But that isn't very helpful. Just know that I hear your pain.
Wow, you just described four out of the seven days of every week in my house! I cant say that I have a lot of answers to save your sanity. Yesterday, as soon as Will got home, I closed myself in our bedroom until all the kids were in bed. As for food, I made a snack chart this summer called "yes snacks" and explained to Lorien and Wyatt that these were the foods I would say "yes" to. They could choose any of the items they wanted as long as they were on the list. There are healthy things like: popcorn, apples and peanut butter, hard boiled eggs and orange juice. Then there are more treaty foods like chocolate milk, smoothies (read milk shakes) and sugared cereal. It worked like a charm. Most of the time the kids would pick popcorn and a smoothie. They felt like they were getting a treat and I felt like I was feeding them something better than candy. We have taken the "treat bucket" away many times. It also seems to work. When they ask for candy we just say "it is all gone" and that is the end of it. I think when the kids go through a phase with out any candy they realize it is a reward not some thing they are entitled to and there is much less whinning when we do bring it out. After yesterdays behaivior I think it is time to take away our treat bucket again. Good Luck!!
I'm beginning to think this happens in everyone's house. My kids will just pick on each and fight. And ohhhhh the screaming. Why do kids scream? I've found that trying to distract them and keep them busy helps. But, sometimes kids just want to fight. However, they are still my sweet angels.
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