Fears and Tears

Teaching Joel to ride a bike has been difficult. He's a very stubborn and cautious child. That's sometimes great, sometimes not so great. He was the toddler at the playground who watched all the other kids slide down the big slide but would not get beyond enjoying the view from the top. He wouldn't even try walking until his pediatrician insisted he do it at his 15 month checkup.

He has been studying other kids riding their bikes for years. I could see him longing for their freedom and independence. They could ride all over the place! Their parents weren't within arms-reach! They could feel the wind in their hair! But as he tried to ride with training wheels, he never seemed confident enough to try going without them. In fact, he was tearfully afraid to remove them. We would raise and lower them and offer to help him and ask him to try and keep our distance and leave him alone. Nothing seemed to work. This past year, I watched his hope of ever being able to ride a bike diminish as his attempts to ride decreased. It felt like a window of opportunity was closing for him to learn to ride a bike. He had all but given up.

So on Saturday morning, we all sat down together to make a list of all the things we wanted to do this summer. They listed quite a few and I added some of my goals for them. It was a pretty long list. Then I made a chart for both with all of their activities on it with room to check them off as they do them each day. I explained that if they check off everything on their list in a day, they will get a special prize, because it wouldn't be easy. There are things like write in a journal, complete workbook pages, read a book, play an xbox game, play an instrument, watch a movie, play in the backyard, work on a new skill, complete a cub scout requirement, etc. I added practice riding a bike without any apparent protest.

Joel got right to task. (This is when being stubborn really pays off.) He spent the day checking things off one after another, his brother working right alongside him. Then he said he was going to go ride his bike. We offered to take him to a big parking lot with lots of room to ride, having to really pitch the idea, but he consented, finally. Jamie brought a riding toy and off we went. This was day one. [Incidentally, Joel earned his special prize that day.]

Day two we raised the training wheels, I think without his knowledge, and he did just fine. We made a game of trying to complete a circle without touching the training wheels to the ground, which he managed a few times.

On day three, I bought a cheap bike from Target first thing in the morning that did not have training wheels. I left it in the garage to surprise Joel. When he saw it, he cried not tears of joy but of despair. Consoling him didn't work. "I'll never ride it." I told him that kids don't usually cry when they get a new bike and that he'll be kicking himself once he tries it and sees how fun it is. But he wouldn't hear it, or so I thought. We loaded up all the bikes and went down to the big empty parking lot. Since there's only one bike with training wheels, Jamie and Joel had to take turns with it. During Joel's turn, Jamie tried out the new bike for size and didn't seem much afraid of it. While Joel was bitterly waiting for his turn with the little one, Jamie urged Joel to try it, because if it fit his little body, it would definitely fit Joel's. That was a sweet gesture to try to encourage his big brother to give the big bike a try. Finally, I offered to hold him while he rode, and he consented to try it once. He immediately took off faster than I could run. Once he realized he was riding unassisted, he called out, "You were right, mom! I am kicking myself, because this is so FUN! Jamie, you can have the little bike all to yourself!!"

Mission accomplished!