Release

Three years ago, I was asked to serve as our ward Relief Society President. Looking back on how I felt before the call, I'm actually surprised that many of my feelings and questions are the same now as they were then. I would expect to have grown up a little since then. It's as if three years of heightened blessings, growth, and protection were inserted into a flat line that is my life. The date-stamp on that post is difficult for me to reconcile.

Today I was released. And tonight I can't sleep. Our bishop was released a few months ago. I wonder if he had a similar night like this.

For the record: RSP was never a burden to me that I didn't want to bear. I have prayed to Heavenly Father to relieve me of many burdens, but never once did this one become too painful to bear, that I would ask Him to relieve me of it. Whenever I was working on Relief Society tasks, I felt close to Heavenly Father, and I felt His love for His daughters. I could feel Him near me, watching me, guiding me, making sure that I did what He wanted. That was what I have always wanted above anything else for as long as I can remember. People may say that I can still have that feeling in whatever capacity that I serve. But the calling of RSP carries with it a special blessing that I can't fully describe. It was a unique feeling that I will hopefully always remember, but I won't really have in any other calling that I can think of (for women). I will try to always remember it, but I already miss it.